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2018 5th Place Game Naming Tournament - Final Results
Introduction Welcome to the final results edition of this year's naming tournament. I think overall we had the best crop of names yet, even though this was easily the most meaningless competition we've ever held. Before we get to all the results of our latest poll and add all the tourney scoring, let's take a look at our standings. Off-Season Standings * Chris - <13> for motioning to penalize Nate. * Butt - 13 from Chris. * Nate - 13 from Pat for putting effort into trying to get points. * Pat - <13> for Nate. <50> for saying I punch ducks. Momma barely hangs on to first place, while Patrick continues to fall behind because of his poor attitude in the thread. Butt, who started the tournament with 0 points, already has 1,337 and that's not including whatever he's about to add from the actual competition. Bonus Questions How well does everyone know the league? The Last Time Butt Played in the League... This should have been the easiest answer to get right. All you had to do was check out the Butt Fuckers team page to see which season he played and then head to the List of Glory Bowl Champions page to see who won in 2012. A quick google search would give you the 2012 NFL MVP, Adrian Peterson. The correct answer is ALL OF THE ABOVE. ma ma momma said defeated Garoppoblow Me in Glory Bowl II and Why am I doing this became the first girl to make the Festival of Champions. She was defeated by Paddock 9 in the soon to be named 5th place game. 50 Bonus Points for: * Chris * Shotti * Patrick * Nate Which LOC Team holds the Record for Both the Smallest Margin of Victory and the Largest Margin of Victory? This question and the first question are connected. In 2012, ma ma momma said opened the season by defeating defending champ Papa's Posse by the slim margin of 0.02. He then ended the season by winning Glory Bowl II with a 188.84 margin of victory, the largest ever. The correct answer is ma ma momma said. 50 Bonus Points for: * Shotti * Zach * Papa * Jared * Patrick This Team Holds the Record for Longest Playoff Appearance Drought (2013-2015) Another question with the answer readily available on the List of LoC Franchise Post-Season Droughts. While Dee has missed playoffs in four of the last five seasons, she is not the correct answer. Sweet Dee made the playoffs in 2015, breaking her drought in half and giving her two 2 season droughts. And even though people have the idea that Pain Train is a terrible franchise, Chris has only missed playoffs twice in his team's entire history. That's the same number of times that perennial powerhouses GBM and RIP have missed, and less times than Glory Bowl II champion momma said (3). RIPDab couldn't have been a correct answer because everyone knows RIP only misses playoffs in even years (The Even Year Curse). The correct answer is Paddock 9. However, three teams are in active two year playoff droughts. If any of those miss in 2018, they will tie P9's record. Those three teams are Papa's Posse, Deez Sons of Bitchez, and ma ma momma said. 50 Bonus Points for: * Shotti * Zach * Jared * Patrick Incredibly, Patrick was one of only two teams to get all bonus questions right and he still trails Butt by 21 points. Multiplier Revisit Name Reveals It's now time to reveal who submitted which names. Let's start with the names that didn't win any matchups (SAD!) The Ass Eatin'Ship & The No Name Game Thoughts and prayers to CHRIS '''for submitting these two names, which were defeated in their only matchups. I really thought No Name Game was going to be popular but it didn't even make it beyond Mediocre bowl, which is ugly. Even with a 6.1 multiplier, Chris gains no points. He does get 20 for the name guessing portion of the poll. Paddock's Prerogative Game & Powderpuff Paddock's Permanent Position Maybe a 4.4 was too high a ranking for the notoriously poor naming tournament performer. These were names submitted by the four time champ, '''SHOTTI. An impressive amount of P's in these names, I'll give him that. 30 points for the name guessing portion of the poll. The Inconsequenbowl & The Battle of Asscum Perhaps the two most polarizing names in the tournament and they both belong to the same person. Many people have wondered who is behind Asscum. A few thought it was Papa because he made such a big deal about being disgusted by it. Others assumed it had to be Butt because it has Ass in it. Not one person figured out that it was none other than JARED. 20 points from the guessing poll. The 6th Place Game & RI Roundnet Presents: The 5th Place Game Now we get to the people who actually earned points in the tourney. I honestly was insulted that someone submitted The 6th Place Game, but the sponsor name was funny so I guess it balances out. Still, SO lazy. With 100 points, PATRICK '''managed one victory in the Naming Tournament. Patrick had a 5.1 multiplier, so he finishes with 510 points. Add 20 from the guessing poll. The Mediocre Bowl & The Battle of the LOC Bastards Anyone who keeps up with '''PAPA knows he is on a huge Game of Thrones kick right now, so his LOC Bastards name was an easy one. Mediocre Bowl is so mediocre it could have been anyone. However, it did manage to win a Sweet 16 match, good for 200 points. Papa had a 6.2 multiplier, a bottom 3 ranking. He finishes with 1,240. Add 20 from the guessing poll. The Equator Bowl & The Participation Award Bowl This manager made the heroic act of voting against his own name, the first time in LOC history that this has happened. However, it did cost them 100 points. Participation Award won a Sweet Sixteen match, giving ZACH 200 points. Due to the high 4.7 multiplier ranking, he finishes with less than Papa: 940. Add 10 from the guessing poll. L on the Back Game & This Counts as a Playoff Win Now we're getting into the big time points. These two names combined for one Opening Eight win and two Sweet Sixteen victories. Congratulations to 8th-ranked funny person, NATE. Not sure why he was ranked so low but now we all deal with the consequences. 500 points for Nate with a 6.9 multiplier. 3,450 points, plus 20 from the guessing poll. The 5 Guys Game & I Plead the Fiiifff Our newest manager makes a huge splash in his first tournament. A victory in each of the first three rounds, BUTT '''finishes with 600 points. The 5 Guys game is the kind of innovative idea that keeps this league fresh and we could all learn a thing or two from this Butt guy. 4.9 multiplier for Butt gives him 2,940 and 20 points from the guessing poll. The Who Cares Classic vs. The McAteer Classic The '''COMMISH nearly pulled off another tournament victory. The only manager to have two names in the Final Four, Who Cares couldn't make it beyond Cinco while McAteer barely beat 5 Guys Game to get to the championship. This is why the league is a democracy. If it wasn't, one of these two names would be the name of the game and we wouldn't all get to have this fun. WE'RE HAVING FUN RIGHT? Still, these two did WORK and garnered a whopping 1,400 points for Glorio's servant. With a low 4 multiplier, that's still good for 5,600 points. ALL HAIL GLORIO. The Winner of the 2018 5th Place Game Naming Tournament Is... And now it is time to reveal and congratulate our 2018 Naming Tourney champion. Congratulations to CINCO DE LOSE-O! Not only did this name win, it won with a whopping 8-1 margin of victory, with Patrick being the lone vote for McAteer Classic. By now maybe it has set in what you all have done. The person who you voted as the least funny and gave a 7.4 multiplier just won the naming tournament. THIS person, you fucking monsters... Congratulations to Chantel, the not funny girl of the league, for being the only person to win every round of the Naming Tournament. That includes an Opening Eight victory for her other name, The Battle of Mediocrity. I guess we all learned a valuable lesson today. It's 2018. Girls are funny now. You know what's not funny? 1,500 tourney points with a 7.4 multiplier. Good for 11,100 ridiculous points. Honestly, that's what you all deserve. She even gets 20 for the guessing poll. How stupid do those 20 points feel now? Tourney Score Recap * Chantel: 11,100 * Commish: 5,600 * Nate: 3,450 * Butt: 2,940 * Papa: 1,240 * Zach: 940 * Patrick: 510 As I'm typing this, fucking Pat is point grubbing, which continues to cost him points. So now I have to take away 2,000 points from him and give 222 points to everyone else in the league. I'm also removing fractions because I'm sick of them. So here, finally, are the current standings. Now I don't want anyone to get discouraged. The Off-Season competition continues! If anyone has any good competition ideas they'll be rewarded, and let's also pay our dues. You fuckers. Writeup Week will continue tomorrow! See you then! Also, the window for giving and taking points is now officially reopened. Let the point grubbing commence! 6/27/18.